MY FEELINGS
By Darby LarsonI was sitting in my rocking chair, reading, when my happiness jumped out of my ear and walked out my front door. As he was slamming the door, I heard him say something about going to Disneyland.
It made me kind of sad to be without my happiness. I looked down at the book I was reading and decided that I didn't want to continue reading it, being as sad as I was. It was a horrible book anyway, with lots of words and sentences and ideas. So I started a fire in the fireplace and threw the book in and watched it burn. As I watched it burn, my sadness jumped out of my ear and left the house. He was mumbling something about the cloudy weather.
After that, I was in a state of panic. I didn't know what to feel. I started walking around the house chaotically, pacing from this room to that. That is, until my panic jumped out of my ear and went screaming and yelling out my front door with his hands waving around in the air.
What a relief, I thought. I sat back in my chair and rocked and rocked. Sigh. I made myself a glass of wine and watched the fire. I hope no one else jumps out of my head, I thought. But, as soon as I thought that, my relief jumped out of my ear and mosied out the front door. He was swaying a little. Apathetically? Lackadaisically? I don't know.
Holy cow, was I worried now! I went and checked that the stove burner was turned off, but as I was going to check that out, I remembered that I may not have enough gas in my car to get to work tomorrow, so I really ought to go and get gas, but then I remembered that I need to pay the bills, but as I was going to where I keep my bills, I remembered that I was going to check on the stove burner. Then, my anxiety jumped out of my head. He practically flew out the front door. He was saying something, but I couldn't make it out.
There was a knock at my door. I went and opened it and there stood all my feelings. I invited them in and we all sat down in my living room. We started talking about something. The discussion became very heated and soon, all my feelings were fighting each other. They were rolling around and wrestling and knocking over plants.
I got up and walked out of my house.
Because I was angry.
Darby Larson has had literature published on the web at McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Pindeldyboz, Eyeshot, Eclectica, Dicey Bown, Hobart, Opium, and Bullfight Review, among others. Visit his website: Darby.tv.